Yes. alas! it's been a year. Cant believe it neither! From being a common blockmate then the next thing, being my first ever bf and as well as bff. ehehe! 3 yrs of nothing but a blockmate, we never talked nor jerked each other. I never expected him, i had my true love before and i thought we can be more than just friends...well i only fooled myself, waiting for almost 4 yrs in a row but nothing happened. I think Father God, as we say, hehe! snap it out of me! I never prayed for someone that will accept me. Because somehow, i had the hidden percentage of being self-centered, that if you love someone, they will hurt you with no reason at all so i focused myself that i am so fragile just to wreck me like that. (as what my friends experienced while wetting my skewl uniform with all of their tears!) Yes! im fazed to fly (just like the song) but the difference is, i know WHY. I had been turning down guys, making myself unfittable for them just to make sure they will not like or love me. I embarassed myself in front of them. I did the opposite things that they might not like. Turning them off is the term. But Charles is different among them, he saw my imperfections, stubborness, pathetic side of me and also the MEAN girl me. But i warned him that im short tempered type, i CAN'T get easily jealous though girls swoon and sigh whenever his around or hugging him with no reason at all, its ok for me actually because for them yes there is malice somehow but for Charles, i know deep inside nothing more or nothing less.. to feel,- just a friend or brotha. Im at eased. I told him that i am straight forward type too, no buts just dots...continue!, Manipulating guys is so easy if you ask me (NO offense ehehe!) not only in my experience but others, true! right?! I remember the 1st time we had a fight, i told him not to make any sacrifices for me because i really dont want to be a burden. Why am i so stubborn daw? its because of my pride? why cant i just let people do their thing for me. I dunno! that's only my answer. Its the only same thing we usually argue off. MAKING SACRIFICES FOR ME, BUT NOT LETTING HIM. I told him, i dont want to be spoiled, whenever i want this or that, his still explaining, when i shouted, "I CAN MANIPULATE YOU IF I WANT TO! BUT IM NOT THAT WICKED TO PURSUE IT! NEVER REPEAT THINGS THAT YOU'VE DONE IN YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS, IM ODD..VERY ODD!". so we end up so timid. drastically quiet. then we smiled and burst laughing. saying sorry and all that jazz. He knows what makes me tick, mad, happy, fullfilled and contented. (Background music: Make Me Whole - Amel Larieux)
We Thank Father God because of His big part in our REALationship. To our friends, kadas and blockmates who never stopped teasing us to death. Singing the PC song. "Perfect Combination love plus you and me." lalala! (I really hate that song because of the cheesyness! well it has been the national anthem whenever we went to skewl-echoing in the hallways and staircases). All the quarrels we had. His sacrifices for me, i cant count them, i never thought that there would be a person that will do anything for the sake of my happiness, security and contentment. I could never ask for more. For my Grumpy Gills...bahu mo! heh! che! ahahah!
November 10, 2008 by d1withbullet “Waiting on a Silence”
by: Precious M.R.P.
Just a little peak on my window
Waiting for someone on the meadow,
Strong faith is inside my heart,
Benevolent man riding on a cart.
Eyes keep staring on crystal clear,
Waiting for a man that wasn’t here,
Appealing for his long lost better nature,
A bombardment of a half of mankind’s future.
Extinction is a pure drivel
My secret came up and unravel
Thoughts rushing thru veins of infinity
Too late…He already had an epiphany.
Yes! Im too arrogant..
He’s too flamboyant..
My mind is in turmoil.,
I don’t want Agape to spoil.
Such a hindrance.
I cant bear the acceptance?
Still living in martyrdom
A killing spree of undying boredom.
It is quite ironic isn’t it?
Destiny’s pathetic doens’t it?
Denying the truth obnoxiously
Yes! Im weak and that’s the reality
Now chances had passed
I can never recall the past
He’s gone
But I’m done
The regret is too hazardous
And the pretensions that you choose.
Here I am, still waiting.
To a man that keeps this painful beating…
11-10-08
10:43am GMT 8+
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